Conversations about change with older adults can be difficult. Senior Citizens are often fighting for control, while adults, family members or professional helpers, are trying to…HELP, but are finding Seniors are resistant. So today we break down 6 steps to cultivating a safe space to empower and explore change.
These 6 steps will give you a roadmap for having an empowered conversation about change.
Step 1: Listen more than you talk
It is so easy, when we have an agenda to talk more than we listen. We have important things to say, and our loved one or a senior citizen we know, needs to hear it! But what if we slowed down. Slowed down our cadence, our energy and just focused the first 5 minutes to hearing how they feel.
You can even start off the conversation about change with a simple question.
“X (the problem/challenge) has happened, How do you feel about it?”
This open-ended question is the jumping off point that allows you to point out a problem that a Senior Citizen might or might not be aware of, and ask how they feel about it.
Don’t forget to listen as they talk about their feelings.
Step 2: Support their autonomy
So now that you’ve brought up the elephant in the room, remind them this is their life and they get to choose. They are in the drivers seat, they get control.
Some of you might be reading this and thinking to yourself, “no way, my mom/dad isn’t thinking right.”
And you might be right! Whether the person you’re reading this for has a sound mind, or is having some cognitive decline, the truth of the matter is, we cannot control them or their actions. *I would suggest speaking with your physician if you have cognitive decline concerns.
So remember to remind the person your talking to that this conversation isn’t intended to push them, but that in fact, they get to control their decisions.
Step 3: Recognize their strengths, abilities and capabilities
Have you ever been feeling nervous about a change, and someone pointed out your strengths, or your past success’s? This builds confidence and connection.
Often Senior Citizens, depending on their age and ability, often question their own ability to navigate hard things. Like making a move, that is often SO overwhelming for many seniors.
“What do I do with all my stuff? How will I get moved? Will I be able to fit all my stuff??”
They are riddled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty about HOW to move forward. So if we can remind them of their strengths that we see, it helps them FEEL capable of change. That builds confidence and connection with you.
In addition to that, if we help explore past success’s, that engages their brain to recognize and realize they have been capable, and can be capable of hard things!
Step 4: Summarize what you are hearing
Everyone wants to feel like people are listening to them. Seniors are no different. So when we summarize what we are hearing, it shows them that we are listening and that we understand the most important things to them.
You can absolutely start your sentences with “sentence stems”, like…
“You’ve talked about…”
“What I hear you saying is…”
“You’ve thought about this a lot, this is what I heard…”
Step 5: Evoke their ideas for next steps
After we have summarized what we heard, it’s time to evoke their next steps.
Start by stating the challenge or problem, summarize what we’ve heard them say, then ask for their next steps. This can sound like…
“Given A & B, where do you want to go from here?”
“It’s a lot to think about, but what is something you can do in the next 24 hours to get you one step closer to X.”
“What next steps do you see to get you to X?”
“There are lots of ways to move forward, I even have some ideas if it’s of interest. But what are your ideas to move forward from here?”
“What is your next step?”
What is most important when evoking their next steps, is that we don’t infuse our next steps into the sentence. Instead, we want to fully ask them what they want to do from here. This is how we help them regain control, AND it’s how we create empowerment. THEY get to choose their next steps.
Step 6: Affirmations
I teach people different affirmations than the normal, “Your doing great!” affirmation. In Motivational Interviewing, affirmations are how we communicate back to someone their values and their behavior. This can sound like this.
“You’ve realized that you want more independence, and one way to get that is X.”
“You want more connection in your life, and getting hearing aids is one way to feel more connected.”
“Safety is a top priority, and you’ve realized that a move, could help you feel more safe.”
We are stating their values and how it aligns with THEIR behavior.
If you want to learn more about Motivational Interviewing and communication strategies that empower, make sure to connect with us!
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